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Your No. 1 blog source for rantings on The Sonics, The NBA, Voodoo, Chicken Bones, and Penis Invertings

No. 5, With A Bullet

#5. Shaquille O'Neal
Position: C
Ht/Wt: 7'-1" 300lbs
Age: 22
Nickname: Shaq, Shaq-Fu, The Diesel, Superman, The Big Aristotle
Fun Fact: His name means "little warrior" in Arabic
Fun Fact #2: In his IMDB profile, he is "credited" with both acting and producing Kazaam & Steel.

Coming in at No.5 is a player both myself and Matt pegged in at No. 4.
05 Skinny: 22.9ppg, 10.4rpg, 2.3bpg, 1.17PSA, with a 27.0 PER

Don't really have much more to say about the big guy that wasn't alluded to in my 2 spot post. He's a giant among mere earthlings. A game changing enigma, a game-planning nightmare, and a quote-making machine. His game? Overwhelming, Overpowering, ever-intimidating... yet rarely as entertaining as the AI's and T-Mac's of the league. If he had ever taken my advice he could've had a realistic shot at challenging Jordan for G.O.A.T.. His penalty for such an atrocity is being dropped to #5 on some loser bloggers' list. That is all.

My 7 degrees of Shaquille O'neal connection:
Last week I went with my sister ring shopping in L.A.. We went to all the appropriate and classy joints first like Tiffany's, Blue-Nile.com, (sadly there was no Shane Company, located next to the I-5...) etc... In the end she ended up going with Shaq's personal distributor of duy-mends, Tony.

Tony's shop is located in downtown L.A. The downtown L.A. east of 8-mile. One block away from To-ni's shop some folks were peddling Dianetics (is this where Tom Cruise had his revelation?) to passerbys on the sidewalk, besides a shop selling 50,000 different 2-pac t-shirts for a buck-99. 'Bout a block to To-ni's shop I passed by the largest pile of dog s**t, aptly placed on the middle of the sidewalk, I have ever laid eyes on. It's smell was actually overwhelmed by the piss-foul smell sunk into the sidewalks. His store had the most welcoming steel bars adorning it's windows I've ever seen.

Tony was sporting one of the largest diamond encrusted crucifix's I've personally seen and was wearing a yankee cap, brim flat and to the side, with a throwback jersey. Tony's security guard looked eerily reminiscent of the huge convict Ed Norton got his s**t pushed in by in American History X. Tony's receipt was hand written.

And BTW: Tony had the deals going. If you're ever rolling by downtown L.A. in need of some duy-mends I highly reccommend seeing the guy who outfits Shaqs ears and wrists with the goods.

And now, you have a friend in the diamond business.

(And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming)
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